I am doing my best to pull through each class. But my mind is being a total asshole to the rest of my body, and as a result, my practice has sucked the past few weeks. I can't seem to "concentrate and meditate." It's all emotional and mental stress. Totally in the mind. It's not my body. My body can execute the postures. But my mind is all over the place lately.
"What's going on in my head?" you may be wondering. Well, there's so much to take care of before I leave for San Diego for two months...
- Work: I am trying to hustle and confirm a significant promotion for myself before I leave. And in order to do this, I am doing a lot of work to get new business signed on and make sure my team is able to handle it while I am gone. They totally are. But I still stress about every single little thing. I have a hard time letting go and stopping the micro-managing. I have this, "If the business fails, it's my fault" mentality.
- Husband: The Husband has been nothing but wonderful about the whole "going away for two months" thing. But it still stresses me out... The guilt, that is. It's guilt that is brought on by myself. And so I am trying to spend as much time as possible with him before I leave... But then the work thing gets in the way. As does the yoga and the dialogue studying.
- The Yoga: I am forcing myself to get to class as much as possible, despite the shitty practices I have been having. And the dialogue study is taking some major focus and commitment on my part to actually get done.
- Redecorating. I am trying to get a room redecorated in my house before the end of August. My mind is scattered, despite having a half dozen things to do.
I leave for San Diego in less than seven weeks. It will be nice to finally get there, and just immerse myself in the yoga and the study. But until then, I still have all this to deal with... And it is definitely taking its toll on my practice.